Eeek! Call The Exterminator!
Or, A Night On “Mouse Patrol”
By Ken K. Gourdin,
With Sgt. Jared Gourdin, Tooele P.D. (Retired)
Author’s Note: This piece originally appeared in a 2001 quarterly issue of The Utah Peace Officer, which is published by The Utah Peace Officers Association.
One night as he was completing an Afternoon shift, Sgt. Gourdin received a call to respond to a report of a “small unwanted guest.” The mention of the “unwanted guest’s” diminutive size immediately raised Sgt. Gourdin’s suspicions, and he replied, “10-4. Uh, Tooele, just how small is this small unwanted guest?”
The dispatcher hardly made an attempt to control her laughter as she revealed the unwanted guest’s identity–or, at least his species . . . Sgt. Gourdin knew that an appropriate response to this call would require him to summon every last ounce of his courage. While lesser officers would have been tempted to avoid giving this call the full attention it deserved, Sgt. Gourdin responded bravely, and, a short time later was able to report, “Tooele, I’ll be clear. One small prisoner in custody.” Now the dispatcher made absolutely no attempt to hide her laughter as she acknowledged this radio transmission.
By the next morning, the following “officially-unofficial” report of the incident had been filed:
There was an old lady who lived in a house.
One night as she slept, she was “attacked” by a mouse.
Frantic as the mouse kept her on the run,
She picked up the phone and dialed 911.
I took the call and came to save her.
(Even though I’m not the exterminator.)
I looked up and down in that quaint little house,
I looked all around for that bad little mouse.
But alack and alas, he was well hidden.
I told her, “For sure, he won’t come unbidden.”
But it was then that I spotted him dash across the floor.
I caught him in a headlong dive and said, “He’ll vex you no more.”
“You gotta let me go! A criminal I ain’t!”
I heard the mouse protest as I placed him in restraint.
“Tell it to the judge,” I said, “’cause you’re under arrest!”
“You’re goin’ to jail, and you’ll be charged with disturbing this lady’s rest!”
I suspect him of false information; I don’t think he told me the truth.
He told me his name is Mickey, but he didn’t have I.D. for proof!
I took little Mickey to the county jail,
where he’s now being held on a thousand bail!